What to do with all this cat litter.
Each year I scoop out and throw away a lot of cat shit and cat litter. There must be something useful I can do with stuff.
Here are some things that I came up with:
Melt it down so I can pour it onto people/things I don’t like.
Fill small packets with the shit, light it on fire and throw it at people/things I don’t like.
Mold the used litter into elaborate castles and structures on my front lawn, call it folk art and then charge people to come and look at it.
Hurl it all into the highway near my house and laugh as trucks run it over.
Mail it to random people I find in the phone book.
Use it on my driveway this winter instead of sand.
String all the shit together and put it on people’s xmas trees while they’re asleep.
Send it all to Santa at the north pole.
Dig a hole in someone’s lawn and bury it all.
Put it in a plastic container with some food dye and give it to people as gifts, telling them it’s “sand art”.
Put it in empty candy wrappers, close them up and then hand the candy out to kids at Halloween.
Mail it all to New Orleans, they need more land there and litter is absorbent.
Stick it to my roof because it sort of looks like shingles.
Make giant beanbag furniture with litter and some cheesy faux-leather material.
Put eyes and a mouth on the pieces of shit and sell them as Mr. Hankey the Xmas Poo figures.
Dressed to kill.
Over the weekend I attended an event where I had to dress up. Luckily it was a themed event that allowed me to wear my boots, my skull knee-high socks and conceal a cap-gun. It was weird to be all dressed up, but it was otherwise a fun time. No, I didn’t put caps in the gun; I didn’t want people to piss their good pants/nylons.
Fall down drunk.
I have never gotten fall down drunk. I think this is a very good thing, as I don’t enjoy having issues with gravity. Gravity and I normally have a wonderful friendship where it stops me from flying off into space where I’d suffocate and die, and I don’t try to do things that make it pull me face-first into the ground.
Remembering.
While we remembered those who gave their lives for war on the 11th, let’s remember those who put their lives on the line to prevent it and to do what they felt was right.
So a special thanks to Stanislav Petrov and all other people like him. This guy should have been given an award, a parade and the thanks of all those who he saved by NOT blindly following orders/procedures. We’re human and need to remember that; machines can make war impersonal but we can’t forget the horrible reality of what these machines can do to other humans. We’re not just blips on a screen, some character in a video game or a number in a report. We’re all humans and can’t forget this.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanislav_Petrov
I’ve hit rock bottom.
After spending most of last week working away at my new job, my place was starting to fill up with cat fur and dirty clothes. Today I went manic and cleaned everything. Have I truly become a crazy person who cleans for fun? What the hell? WHAT THE HELL?! What has happened to turn me into this domestic drone? Is it that I can put on my iPod stereo and rock out to tunes while I do my chores? Is it because it’s my own place and therefore isn’t as bad as cleaning my parents place? Maybe I’m just telling myself these things so I don’t have to admit that I’m doing this stuff. It’s not because I’m a chick though, don’t let that sexist bullshit creep into your brain, it is just stuff that has to be done and I’ve got some free time to do it. If you can live in your own filth, then that’s great for you but I don’t have to so I won’t.
Root beer is the new gingerale.
I’ve been on a root beer kick but then I noticed how much sugar was in it. There is a LOT of sugar in root beer. I’m trying to have some gingerale and a lot more juices mixed with extra water in an attempt to cut down on my sugar intake and increase my water intake. Root beer was the new gingerale but now both must be cut down. All my stalkers should take note of this and try to woo me with juices instead of gingerale and root beer.
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